


With the Memories That Can't Be Erased

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Meant to Be [6]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Family, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 05:17:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2416319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The words one-night stand were ringing in Sam’s ears.  He had no idea how to make them stop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With the Memories That Can't Be Erased

**Author's Note:**

> The New England universe definitely keeps turning. The title comes from the Monica song, _Before You Walk Out My Life_.

“Jessie! Jess, baby, I'm on my way out!” Sam stood at the bottom of the stairs and called up.

“You better not!” She exclaimed from their bedroom.

“Why? What's wrong?”

Jessie ran down the hall, down the stairs, and jumped into his arms. Sam grinned before she kissed him passionately. He held his hands under her ass.

“You're never allowed to leave without a kiss.” She said.

“That was one hell of a kiss, Mrs. Kassmeyer. I’ll think I’ll have another…for the road.”

Jessie kissed him again, running her fingers through his hair. Sam put her on the floor and they held each other.

“Have fun with the boys tonight.” She said sighing as his nose tickled the crook of her neck.

“And you're going to the movies?” He asked.

“Mmm hmm. I'm picking Lizzie up and we’re driving to Manchester. We’re gonna meet Desi and then go and see _The Blind Side_. I really hope it’s good because I wanted to see _Up in the Air_. Des wanted to see _Avatar_ but I wasn’t in the mood for a bloated Cameron fest.”

“Well have a good time. Text me when you're leaving the theater so I’ll know you're heading home.”

“Yes, Chief.” Jessie laughed, saluting him. She kissed his nose. “I love you.”

“I love you more, baby baby.”

Sam playfully slapped her ass and headed out. It was another cold January evening in Newberry. He was meeting some friends at The Elbow for beer and bar food. He worked at the station from eight to five and then went home to spend a little quality time with his wife. It really was a little; they had enough time to cuddle on the couch with an old episode of _Spin City_.

Then it was off to their separate things. Sam knew he had to share his wife but that didn’t mean he liked it. He knew life would get boring quickly if the Kassmeyers moved into a bubble and only saw each other. Still, there were some days he wanted to test the theory before dismissing it completely. Climbing into his Mustang, Sam started the engine and pulled out the driveway. He stopped, rolling down his window when he saw Damien Walker.

“Hey, Chief.” Damien was carrying a couple of bags from Carroll’s Grocery a few blocks away.

“Hey D, how are your grades?”

“Um, they're OK.”

Sam didn’t know if the teenager was being truthful. He didn’t look into the police chief’s eyes when he spoke.

“If you don’t keep them up you know Coach Haas is gonna sit you. You won't be playing Junior Varsity next year.”

“Yeah, I know. I got a math tutor now, and Agent Morgan’s been helping me with my football moves.”

“I'm glad to hear it. Keep up the good work and say hi to your mom for me.”

“I will. See ya, Chief.”

He kept walking down the street and Sam headed to the bar.

***

“It’s possible you could be the luckiest guy in Newberry if not the whole of New England.” Paul said snickering.

They were sitting in the back booth drinking beer and eating finger food. It was Sam, Hotch, Paul and Derek. Kyle occasionally stopped over to chit chat but he was running the bar tonight. Sam knew he’d been doing that more and more lately. Paul was a good guy and a great brother but Kyle was going to have to sit down and talk to him soon. They weren't kids anymore…it was time to get serious about things.

“Why would you say that?” Sam asked.

Bobbi came to the table and collected the empty bottles, putting down fresh ones. She smiled at Sam.

“Chief, you better finish that beer. It’s getting warm.”

“Yes ma'am.” He smiled and she returned it.

“See,” Paul said as the bartender walked away. “Women seem to love this guy. I wanna know your secret.”

“No secret.” Sam shook his head. “I don’t even know what you're talking about.”

“I gotta admit Sam, since you’ve gotten married you're getting even more attention.” Morgan said. “Tell me you didn’t notice.”

“The only woman I pay too much attention to is my wife.” Sam replied.

“But the ladies sure are paying attention to you. Right Hotch?”

“I've noticed a little.” Hotch said. “I don’t know what it is. Did you change your cologne?” He grinned and his dimples came out.

“Yeah, now he wears Eau de Unavailable.” Paul said. “Single women are very attracted to it.”

“What is that about?” Morgan asked.

“You seem to do alright, Morgan.” Hotch said. “You're not wearing Eau de Unavailable.”

“No but I'm…”

“Fuckin gorgeous,” Sam said. “At least that’s what I heard Charlie and Erika Silverman whispering about when she was in the police station last week.”

“For real?” Morgan raised an eyebrow. “Erika is a fine woman. Hmm.”

“You lucky bastard.” Paul murmured. “You still can't beat Kassmeyer. I never thought I’d say it but Sam’s the man. He’s had the two hottest women in Newberry on his arm.”

“Who?” Hotch asked.

“Emily Prentiss and Kate Joyner.” Paul said. “Not bad at all for a churchgoing boy scout.”

“Kate is fine.” Morgan conceded. “I’ll stand at the front of the line in being glad you didn’t marry her but damn…she is a beautiful woman. So is Emily. Yeah Sam, were you born under a lucky star?”

“Did you and Emily ever…?” Paul nudged him.

“C'mon Paul,” Hotch said. “Have some tact.”

“What? Hotch we've all been friends for most of our lives. If you can't share victories with your friends then who can you? Sam, I need to know.”

“The answer is no.” Sam said. “Emily and I never did anything like that. We were too young. We cared for each other deeply.”

“Oh.” Paul replied. “Too bad.”

“You're bad.” Morgan said grinning. “The problem with living in a small town is that on the grand scale we've all slept together.”

“That’s not a pleasant thought.” Hotch replied.

When Bobbi returned, Morgan ordered more Buffalo wings. She took Sam’s warm beer, three-quarters done, and gave him a cold one.

“Enjoy Chief.” She smiled as she walked away.

“See,” Paul said, grabbing a mozzarella stick. “Bobbi is pretty taken and she’s been grinning at you for an hour.”

“Bobbi’s just sweet.” Sam replied. “Paul, you are definitely one of those guys who think every nicety means sex.”

“Nice shoes, wanna fuck?” Morgan asked. They all laughed, drinking beer. “Seriously though, there has to be a handful of women we share.”

“You and Paul maybe.” Hotch said. “I hate to kill any cool points I may have collected over the years but it’s only ever been Haley and Emily.”

“Sam?” Morgan looked at him. “Well I know we have Kate in common but only if we’re counting one-night stands?”

“If we’re counting them then Sam and I share Jessie.”

“What?”

Sam didn’t mean for it to come out sounding like it did. He looked at Paul, not at all sure what his face looked like. His heart was beating really fast and his throat and stomach felt as if he swallowed a boulder.

“What, what?” Paul asked.

“You and Jess?” Sam asked.

“Oh my God, man, that was like a millennia ago. Well, a decade or so at least. I wasn’t married yet and I was home on leave. We were all hanging out at 52 Pickup. Remember those days, Morgan?”

“Damn, that was a lifetime ago.”

52 Pickup was down Route 93. It was outside of Newberry proper but that 15 mile or so stretch outside of town limits was still considered Newberry. It was inside the county line. Sam remembered his father and other parents in town fought to have the place shut down. When the doors finally closed, alcohol related accidents in the area shrunk more than 50%.

“Yeah so, you know, it was just one of those things that drunken young people do. No hard feelings, right Sam? I hope not…it was a long time ago.”

“Has anyone else slept with my wife?” Sam asked through clenched teeth. “I want to know now.”

The table was quiet. Sam excused himself to the men’s room and Paul hung his head.

“Damn, I didn’t intend to piss him off; never ever.” He said.

“And I know he's not in the bathroom.” Morgan said. “Sam hates public bathrooms. Hotch, did he think he was Jessie’s first?”

“I wouldn’t know the answer to that. I don’t think a woman would be able to hide being a virgin, not that I'm an expert. Sam’s just…”

“Possessive.” Paul replied. “Not like restraining order possessive but he’s really in love with his wife. Maybe they both wanted to delude themselves that they were the only ones. It’s a nice fantasy…I'm sorry I ruined it.”

“If either of you slept with Emily and you tell me, I will belt you.” Hotch said.

Morgan laughed as Sam came back to the table. Bobbi was right behind him with the Buffalo wings.

“Here you go guys,” she said. “Enjoy them.”

“Thanks Bobbi.” They said in unison.

“Sam, I am so sorry.” Paul said. “I wasn’t trying to ruin your night, honest to God.”

“I know that.” Sam put his hand on his old friend’s shoulder. “You didn’t mean anything by it, I know.”

“Good.” He finished off his beer and looked away. His brother was calling him over to the bar. “Shit, I'm being summoned. If you never see me again, it’s been good knowing you guys.”

Morgan smirked as Paul got out of the booth and walked away. Then he looked at Sam.

“Are you going to be OK?” He asked.

“Yeah, I think so.” He put three Buffalo wings on his plate.

“You're a bad liar.” Morgan said. “That’s one of the things I love most about you.”

“He just threw me for a loop is all. Jessie is almost 34 years old. Surely she’s been in other relationships.” The words one-night stand were ringing in Sam’s ears. He had no idea how to make them stop. He just ate his chicken. “I know Paul didn’t mean anything malicious by it.”

“Maybe we should just lay out on the table how many women we have in common so we won't throw each other for anymore loops.”

“If you tell me that you slept with Jessie, Morgan, I will slug you. I'm apologizing ahead of time.”

“No way man, I've known her since she was four. She's like my little sister.”

“Mine too.” Hotch said. “I've only slept with Haley and Emily.”

“I've never slept with Emily or Haley.” Morgan replied.

“I lied earlier…I slept with Emily.”

“High school doesn’t count.” Hotch said. “It was a lifetime ago. It was just in high school, right?”

Sam nodded.

“I knew you were lying.” Morgan said.

“Why, because I'm a bad liar?” Sam asked.

“No, cuz you called me a few hours after it happened.”

“You called me too.” Hotch said.

“I did? Wow, it was such a long time ago I honestly don’t remember that.”

“I guess that’s how it was for Paul and Jessie too.” Hotch said, trying to be hopeful. He knew his best friend; this was a crushing blow.

***

“When we remodel the house I definitely want a dishwasher.” Jessie said.

She was still standing by the sink. Depeche Mode was on the radio and she was wiping down the counter. Sam had just come in and he wrapped his arms around her from behind. Moving into that bubble was starting to sound more appealing by the moment.

“Whatever you want,” He whispered in her ear. “I’ll make all your dreams come true, baby.”

Jessie smiled when she turned in his arms. She was about to say something cheeky but it stopped halfway out of her mouth.

“Sam, what's wrong?”

“Hmm?”

“Something is wrong. Don’t bother to try and say it’s not because I see it all over your face. I thought you would have a good time out with the guys tonight.”

“I need to say something and its going to be uncomfortable and awkward.” He said.

“What is it?” Concern was etched all over Jessie’s face as she caressed Sam’s.

“Paul said you two had a one-night stand.”

“Oh dear God.” She closed her eyes. “That was a million years ago, honey.”

‘I know; he said that too. It just threw me for a loop is all. I didn’t want to talk about sex anyway. I'm baffled as to why if you get more than two guys in any one location the subject of sex has to come up. But it did and he said it. I thought I would be sick. He said it so casually, as if it was nothing.”

“It was nothing.” Jessie moved out of her husband’s arms. “It was stupid and lots of liquor was involved. I never intended for you to find out.”

“You don’t have to be ashamed, babe. We both have pasts. Hey,” Sam pulled her back into his arms, sighing when Jessie held on tight. “Let’s get the stuff out of the way. This is a small town; we’ll cross paths with people. Emily was my first.”

“Sam…”

“No,” He shook his head and put his fingers on her lips. “We’ll do this and be able to move on. Alright?”

Jessie nodded, closing her eyes. She didn’t want to hear it, knew Sam’s list would be longer than hers. How many women would she run into at the diner, the supermarket, to the church vestibule? Jessie’s stomach was already swaying as if she was on a sea cruise. She gripped his shirt tighter.

“I'm ready.” She whispered, not sure she was at all.

“Emily was my first, in high school. The summer of my junior year in college I had a ‘thing’ with Bethany Wallace. When I came home from Boston I spent some time with Nora Bennett and then starting dating Kate three years ago after Dad died. I had a girlfriend in Boston named Kaye Prescott and did date a woman for a few months who worked with Hotch, her name was Alison Douglas. That’s it.”

“Nora Bennett? She’s older than you.”

“She's five years older.” Sam replied, managing not to smile when he thought about how she would always say five was her favorite number. “We’re still good friends and you should know that. I have always enjoyed her company.”

“She was at our wedding.” Jessie said.

Nora was one of the small percentage of African-Americans that made up Newberry’s population. She was a tenured professor in the Political Science Department at Dartmouth in Hanover. While it surprised Jessie that Sam crossed racial barriers romantically it didn’t bother her. Her best friend was black. Nora was a great woman; the two women always got along.

“I guess it’s my turn.” Jessie said.

“Yeah. I'm never going to judge you, Jess, only love you. Cross my heart.”

“There was Paul and then Mark a few years later. That’s it.”

“You didn’t see anyone in college?” Sam asked.

“No.” She shook her head. “I went on dates when I wasn’t busy, and I was busy a lot, but all the guys seemed to be after one thing. I wanted more than that. I didn’t get it until I found you.”

“Jess…”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, please. I'm gonna take a shower.” She kissed him softly. “I need to take a shower, OK.”

“Yeah. I'm gonna make some tea.”

Jessie nodded. She moved out of his arms and walked up the back stairs. She needed some time alone with her thoughts and feelings.

***

“If I didn’t love this town with all my heart, I would pick up and move away tomorrow.”

Sam sighed, stroking her naked back. They'd been in bed for about a half hour but had so far been silent.

“Why? We all have pasts, Jess, its part of who we are.”

“Yeah, but in Newberry you have to look your past in the eye everyday.”

“I guess the other side of the coin is that you get to look your future in the eye too.”

“Why do you always say the right thing?” Jessie sat up and looked at him.

“Do I? That time I wasn’t even trying.”

She smiled, leaning to kiss him. Sam deepened the kiss and pulled her on top of him. He was hungry for her, though that was surely nothing out of the ordinary. He wasn’t sure what Jessie wanted. What happened tonight made her uncomfortable; his first priority was always her comfort and safety.

“Sweet thing?” He murmured between kisses.

“Hmm?” It always sent shivers of excitement through her when he called her that. No one ever made her feel the way Sam did. No one ever could, of that she was sure.

“I am so eager. Mmm,” his hands roamed across her naked body. The way Jessie moaned excited him even more. “Tell me what you want.”

“Well…” Jessie bent to whisper in her husband’s ear. Sam’s grip on her tightened the more she whispered.

“Damn,” he was practically breathless. It wasn’t often he used what his father referred to as ‘colorful’ language but this moment called for it. “You are a naughty girl, Jessie Kassmeyer.”

“Not me,” she rolled on the mattress and wrapped her legs around him. “I want you to be naughty. I want you to be really naughty.”

Sam grinned, taking her arms from around his neck and holding them over her head. He wanted her; he wanted to devour her. The best part was that Jessie wanted the exact same thing. Who cared about the past when the present and future were so amazing?

***

  



End file.
